Shadows of Before
by Ashia Yifei 07
Summary: "If I were to open my eyes, would I still be able to see you, Ryuzaki?"
1. In my eyes

**Hi there! This is my first time making a RyoSaku fanfic..and it's oneshot! The plot of my story popped when I was depressed over my grades..haha so I had to write it..directly here. Please..read and be touched.**

******Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis **( how i wish!but never..ouch!)

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_" I just have to forget everything and move on or else I'll drown in the memories."_

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Ryoma's Pov

**Present**

I inserted the keys to open my door, entered, and then I locked it from the inside. I am hell tired of my intensive tennis practice because in a week, I will have a tournament. After lying down, I was about to close my eyes, sink into a deep slumber when a flash penetrated my mind again. I twitched ad sat up, panting for air. I was aware of the fact that in any moment..i could shed tears even if I was regarded as tough and strong.

That incident happened 5 years ago and hell it still bothered me too much that I couldn't do anything even breathing freely without feeling any choking sense. My memories wouldn't allow me to delete those episodes in my life that have taught how to realize things. Things were way to clear to me. No wonder, until now..i am still affected by its rigid pain; it has been stabbing me and I'm still bleeding.

**Past**

I was walking my path to our classroom when I saw her approaching. It seemed like everyday my day wouldn't end without having a glimpse of her… through her own efforts, not mine. But I really don't care. It didn't mean a lot to me. She was just one of my fangirls-if my memory were retentive..i think her name is Ryuuzaki…no that's her surname..i forgot her first name-but she made a distinction, she never annoyed me because she was very simple and very gentle. I was not sure if she really has that kind of personality or doing it on purpose for my eyes.

And then, she greeted me, " Good Morning, have a nice day," with her soft, timid voice; I saw her blush. I just nodded and stared straight, continuing my path. Did I even need to greet back? At the corner of my eyes, I could see her eyes somewhat begging for something..i didn't know but looking merely at my back, I think she was in a verge of…crying? I didn't mind because it was her decision, after all.

I had to quicken my pace or else I'd be dead the moment I stepped my foot inside our room by a minute late. I continued. The boring classes started and there was nothing I could do to bring it to a full halt. I usually drooled, feeling somnolent. Heck, I'd rather play tennis with a mouse that would be of some fun than listening to lengthy discussions-that I already knew-without any trace of fun. I was to close my eyes, and had my chin be dragged against my desk when I heard a thud. Was that a book? And then my teacher called that student's attention. I looked at my right side. Oh, it was she, the girl who kept on greeting me and never got tired even when I said nothing. In addition, I really didn't know her first name and that she was in fact my classmate. After being scolded by our teacher, she hastily picked up the book and shyly looked at me. I really couldn't understand what it was on my face to be that interesting to look at. I glanced at her coldly mentally noting "What?". I sighed and pushed through with my interrupted plan.

After class, I decided to go for a walk and I went to the tennis court. I wanted to play badly, but there was no one there. I really didn't mean it literally when I said it was better to play with a mouse than to be a part of a tedious scene. I left those thoughts behind and got my racket as well as balls from the tray. And all I could do was to hit them straight to the wall and wait for them to bounce back, and the cycle would repeat. Suddenly, I heard footsteps. I was really glad to know someone was there to be my temporary enemy. I turned around and I found her..again. geez, was she tailing me? How could she possibly know I was here? And why was she looking down and flushing? It was really obvious..embarrassing. I wish I could tell her that and I wish she knew.

Seeing that, she seemed not to speak, I redirected my attention to my habit. And out of the blue, she spoke, " Err.. Ryoma..can I play with you?" I didn't know if I should burst out laughing that time. A girl, who didn't know anything about tennis, would challenge me? Absurdity! Who did she think she was? But anyway, I couldn't say no, perhaps because I was also in the need of an enemy to get out of that ennui or maybe I just liked her voice that it would be heartbreaking to deny her request." Fine, but don't blame me if you get injured," I warned her. " Yes..," she quickly replied. She got her racket, the one laid on the bench. We proceeded to our respective sides; we started playing..very predictable. I kept on serving the balls, she never made a hit. I even made my serves simpler and easier to hit but still no good. However, I must admit that I loved her efforts, the way she forced her legs and knees to catch up and hit my serves. Because of that, throughout the game, I couldn't help giggling and giggling and giggling. And she only pouted.

At last! I was free from the suffocating boredom. I needed not an enemy but a simple weakling like her. Thanks to her. Our game ended with no official score. Of course, it was obvious that I won. As I was sitting on the bench, she asked me to wait. Before I could ask her the reason, she had sprinted away. So I waited. I easily followed directions but had she taken too long, I wouldn't have waited. I was wiping my forehead, my neck, my scrunch, my limbs, my face full of exhaust droplets when a can of Ponta came into my sight; she was holding it with with a smile. All I could say was a simple " Thank you." "You're very welcome," she answered. I was shocked at the utterance of the word "very" because I usually hear people saying only "You're welcome" or simply " Welcome". Was it supposed to be added? Never mind.

" Uhm..can I sit beside you?" she asked me. I was to choke out if I had lost control of myself. Good thing, I did not, my poise was at stake. Of course, she could! Bench was not made to be used by one person only. But maybe she was just playing safe..good. " Of course," I reacted casually., she did. The wind blew gently. Along with it, swayed the petals of the Salura tree surrounding us..also, her two braids. " They're beautiful, aren't they, Ryoma?" she gave me a placid look. I could feel she was really overjoyed by the sight. For a moment, I was locked in a stare with her. " You know what, sometimes I wish I could be like these Sakura petals. A gentle breeze could make them dance with the wind and touch people's lives, change people's moods. They can land onto the skin of those who would surely appreciate them, cherish them. I want to be a Sakura petal to give happiness to people, especially to my loved ones," she imparted me and I was really stunned. I was speechless. I could see no point why she had to drawl like that. She closed her eyes, sensing more the relaxing effect of the phenomenon. After two minutes, the sight ended for the wind had stopped blowing. She then opened her eyes and her shoulders fell limply. She frowned- sign of disappointment. I was no longer looking at her, just sipping my Ponta.

" Can we walk home together?" I tended not to reply but I know she was expecting. She sure was fast to make a move..huh? Were we even close? I didn't even know her first name. Why did she have to walk with me? To be on my way? I wanted to be alone. I wanted to tell her these thoughts but I had to respect her..her feelings. I was mean but not a heartbreaker. Unluckily, I gave in. " I let you played with me but that doesn't mean we're friends, we're close or we are whatever you think of, so there's no reason for us to walk home together," the words slipped out my tongue..worse..they didn't come out in a careful manner. As much as I wanted not to hurt her,as a token of gratitude for being my temporary enemy, I thought she still suffered. Yet I couldn't console her. I didn't want to pretend I was a gentleman because I was not. I was a straightforward person..and she had to deal with me. I started walking away. Anyway, I could do no more. Again, as I was walking, I saw her at the corner of my eyes, she was pale.

I wondered if she really took my words seriously. Well, bad for her.

Y**ay! This was supposed to be a oneshot..like what I stated there but I could no longer finish it this time and I stopped here so I decided to submit it this way..i'll continue this some other time..along with my other stories of Gakuen Alice.**

**Thanks for reading! Please leave reviews.**


	2. You're here

**Hi! Thanks for your review, marian yu. So, this is another chapter..detailed part of my supposed to be oneshot. Note: I really don't know about tennis so just pretend that my terms are right. And I also don't know anything about the places in Japan so I just created one. Hope, that's okay.**

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While I was walking home, I couldn't help thinking…..ugh…_Why the hell was I thinking?_ With that, I shrugged all of those nuisance from what happened earlier. It was really annoying.

The next day, I was sauntering the hallway as usual and well whether I expected it or not, all those drooling and boring girls were again there waiting as I became the subject of their eyes. One of my expectations was _she…her presence,_ yet as they always say you couldn't always expect. And if you don't meet your expectations, they say that it will only hurt you so bad. Yet I'm not feeling any kind of that pain people keep on believing. I expected her but she didn't come and greet me. Now, where the hell is the pain?

It was actually very, very fine that she wasn't here. Not that I hated her because of yesterday but much more like I hated the yesterday that I just didn't want someone to cling on me or have her eyes stick on me. I was not in the mood of seeing her that time..really and I didn't know why. She was absent, I inferred, because she wasn't there in our class, sitting on the chair at my right- oh I forgot..so she's my seatmate. Well, much better.

After class, the usual habit, i decided to go to the place where we were yesterday. I was the only one standing with a racket and a ball clutch in my both hands. Yes, and she wasn't there. Suddenly, I heard footsteps. I wasn't infront of the mirror-I never used one…tired of seeing my face, tired of admiring the whole appearance of me..no..i never admired my appearance..lots of people admired it for me-but I felt that my face changed, twisted…distorted ironically into a happy face. Not really like laughing or smiling like a baby or a child but you know the expression of like filling yourself up with hope just because of certain things that make you presume the existence of something you want to. Hard to admit, but excitement filled the spaces I was feeling..expecting it to be her. Geez, maybe I just wanted an enemy again.

I then turned around to finally know to whom those footsteps belonged. Crap, I only saw our second coach, Coach Kurikawa. Ask, why second? Because Coach Ryuuzaki was on a one-month leave resting due to aging effects..oh..you know that sort of things…no need to explain. Coach Kurikawa was the stand-in. I talked with him with a dismal face._ Just when I thought it was…nevermind._ I wanted to hide my dismay just to deny his hypothesis that I didn't like him as our second coach and most especially to disown the feeling of emptiness and disappointment because he was not what I was expecting to see. But I couldn't.

He informed me that in three days, I would have a tournament with the Kantokawa School's tennis prodigy..the so-called like that. Who does he think he is..being called as the tennis prodigy? I doubt he deserved it. Let's just see.

Kurikawa explained that it was not actually a formal tournament nor a basis for different tournaments, it was for popularity and reputation's sake. Whoever wins, would surely be reigned as the tennis prodigy of their region. He cleared that everybody surely knows that I, Ryoma Echizen is the only one who deserves the title. But this certain challenger from that Kantokawa was very persistent believing that he could outshine me and win over me..so he called for a tournament. So, whoever wins would surely be reigned as th tennis prodigy in their region.

I just nodded. If it were for my position, I would do everything. Anyway, it was never a difficult task for me to defeat players who thought of themselves high. I was still the best in my point of view and in everybody's point of view. Nobody could defeat me. Nothing to worry.

As much as I wanted not to practice anymore, my conscience told me so. I was aware, I was becoming a bit arrogant and proud. But the hell they care. I have something..no..everything to brag about. I've competed different tournaments not only nationally but internationally. And I've not just been a participant or a player..i've always been the winner. Yet the fear of losing had never left me. It had been my companion in every tournament. Because of that fear, I persist. And because I persist, I succeed. And so I practiced and practiced and practiced. I was able to create new serving strategies but turned down the thought of using it in this local tournament. I should keep it for future tournaments' sake.

As days passed with me thinking my nearing tournament and practicing every night before going home, before eating, after eating, before going to sleep, before going to school, I was able to make the yesterday's feeling subside. I was not able to notice her presence and absence which was very normal to me. I couldn't remember a time when I was so concern about something or someone except about the tennis, and my parents and Karupin of course. I simply let it be.

The day of my tournament arrived. And my senpais were all cheering for me, as usual. They were also expectant of my victory. I, as well. I also had cheering squad which consisted of i-don't-know girls. But I recognized one, Osakada. Other than she, no more.

In few minutes, the game started. I was in the lead. I was almost always getting the points. For the first and second set, I won. I was becoming bored. I mean, I was giving him simple serves actually yet there were times, he couldn't even make a hit. Was that what he called tennis prodigy? He might know everything about tennis but what about the game itself, did he?

Suddenly, the world turned upside down and the turn of the events as well. The start of the third set was a blast. His serves were far beyond what I could imagine from his abilities as I had observed in the earlier sets. He had gone…wild? His eyes were scorching on me. And the intensity..the impact of his serves..his smash..and all his techniques were out of ordinary for a neophyte…but for me…they made my feet to move as well. There was even a time that his high-speed ball could have hit me in my left eye but luckily my sudden reflex managed to get me alive. In the end, I could only run and run to avoid his serves..to protect myself of course.

With that, the sets ended, the game ended..my career ended.

Before leaving the court, he smirked at me…now blowing his own horn because of his victory in this simple game. Heck, that was it..this was a simple game yet I was defeated!

How could I even face my senpais now..Coach Kurikawa and of course Coach Ryuuzaki..and yeah...the whole world? What would be the headlines of the newspapers now? "Echizen, Dethroned!" Crap, my reputation..my popularity… my career,my dream.. my end.

My legs trembled that I had to kneel. I couldn't leave that court. I didn't have face to accept defeat. I was never born to concede defeat. I never existed with this word. It was always victory. This couldn't be my downfall. I would rise again. I would clear my name from the list of Losers. I would obliterate the notion of the people that I was no longer the Prince of Tennis. I would schedule a rematch. I would…I would.

My senpais came approaching. "Ochibi, that's okay," I heard Momo-senpai said. "You still have next time, Ryoma," Fuji added. And all of them were saying the same thing. The monotony of the phrase: It's okay. How could they even tell that to me? They knew how much it would never be okay. Perhaps, it was okay for them but not for me. Never!

With that, I ran and ran and ran. I just kept those words inside my head. I never lashed out at them. That at least would save my reputation. I just stopped when I discovered I was panting for air. I wanted to shed tears but they weren't for me..they weren't for a Prince like me. They were of no use to me. They should be nothing to me.

I suddenly thought of drinking my favorite drink. But I know that wouldn't help me either. Nothing and nobody could help me. Nobody could save me from drowning in the swamp of loneliness. I then lay down under the shade of a tree..i thought that was a Sakura Tree. I deemed I could feel a slight tap of peace there. I saw the petals falling and they were beautiful..relaxing to see. Still, they could never make me happy or at least make me relieved. I remembered her lines, _"A gentle breeze could make them dance with the wind and touch people's lives, change people's moods. They can land onto the skin of those who would surely appreciate them, cherish them. I want to be a Sakura petal to give happiness to people, especially to my loved ones,"_ and I remembered her, too.

Tch. By the way, I haven't seen her these past few days or maybe I was just busy to notice her. Come to think of it, she used to be in my tournaments. She used to be with Coach Ryuuzaki to watch me competing. But today, I doubt I saw her. She used to be part of the throng cheering for me. Yes, she used to be there. But lately, she wasn't. I didn't mind though. I then closed my eyes.

Out of the blue, I felt like someone had just found me here. And it really got into my nerves. Hell, didn't that person know the meaning of privacy? Couldn't that person simply let me be? Couldn't that person at least excuse himself of intruding my now-territory instead of stealthily walking there and suddenly emerging like ah..whatever..?

I opened my eyes. I found her and she found me. She was wearing a worried and gloomy expression when she looked at me. What? She was feeling pity for me..for not winning the game? I hate it. Why did everyone want to make a big deal about it? I was trying to contend it for myself..and here they were…messing about. I shifted to a sitting position and pulled my cap down. I wanted to hide every emotion I had that moment. She didn't have the right to see those.

She is a girl and I really didn't have that kind of heart who just unhesitatingly hurt girls. Unless, they are rejected by me…but that's not my problem anymore. She broke the silence.

"Ryoma, I'm sorry," she started. And I was appalled. Why was she sorry? Say, she committed a mistake but was it connected with me? We've not been talking nor have been seeing each other lately so there was no way she could have done something wrong concerning me. It couldn't have been her fault also why I did not win.

I looked up at her sternly. And I knew she grew pale..tension arose inside of her." What do you want?" I asked..wanting a straight answer. "I…was not there…when you played..i missed it…and I just want to at least uhm…..comfort you," she stuttered. I could see she was rubbing her palms. " I don't need someone to comfort me, I'm fine being alone..or if you intend on making me feel better…you better stay away," I directly told her. Nonsensical conversations like this should be avoided in times of your breakdown. It could never be of help.

I straightened up and stood ready for leaving but then she spoke making me halt. "I know what you're feeling, Ryoma and I happened to feel the same way…. only with a different reason..so I thought….. I could somehow ease your upset…because I know how much…. it hurts," it was very solemn. I could sense the truth and the concern. I looked back at her and I thought she was about to cry. I never wanted someone to cry infront of my very eyes. I took a move.

" Sit down and do what you want," I said as I adjusted to a position facing her ready to listen. I might as well try this once for a while: letting others open up to me. _But of all people, why she?_ There was an inexplicable feeling overwhelming me. And I didn't know if I should entertain it or get rid of it. She was startled for seconds but then she sat down right beside me. I could comprehend she was not sure how to start. So, I did the first move.

"I hate conceding defeat and I hate people seeing me accepting defeat, I hate it,"

" But defeat is a part of life..it's something you shouldn't miss. Perhaps at one side, victory is the best part of our living but as we grow..we would realize that defeat can also be," she then threw a glance to me." After feeling defeat, we would do everything to make things up for ourselves and because of that we improve, we grow stronger, we gain rich experiences….we prove our living," she said earnestly.

She sure has positivism huh? I thought. Who would take defeat as the best part of life? the positive people of course. But I'm neither an optimist nor a pessimist. I am in between. But I liked how she made it slightly easier for me to concede defeat.

"So..you shouldn't worry..soon you'll be on top again..you'll be admired again..you'll regain your lost confidence," and then she smiled.

"You're lucky indeed," I knew she meant that to be a phrase with a jovial tone but I also knew she was carrying something heavy that she couldn't retain her happy composure.

"Why did you say so?" I cocked my eyebrow at her.

Her face now was conspicuously radiating a forlorn aura. I wanted to ask her what happened? If there was any. But I couldn't simply give her my comfort. Who was she in the first place? But then, something told me I should. Anyway, undeniably, she made me feel alive again.

" Because you feel appreciation and admiration from everybody," she smiled again..though it was fake.

"But everybody feels it in every other way," I replied coolly.

"That's what I thought before..but it isn't….,"

"And why do you say?" finally wanting to get out of this curiosity. Her words and emotions were indeed deeper. I never expected her to be this….._solitary._

"Because I feel rejection in every possible way.. from the one I admired so much," she looked at me with her eyes saying something that I didn't get. And then she stood and slowly walked away.

_I wish I could know what that was all about._

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**There!i know it was kind of lame…but please leave a review. I really want to know what you guys think about this story. And I've spent 4 hours typing this chapter..so sorry for the misspelled next time!**

**Just finished revising it!(Sept. 4,2010)**


	3. Changing me

**Hi! I'm back! Yay! Next chapter. Actually, as of now this is the story that really interests me a lot. And if I'll get some progress, I might make this into a multi-chaptered story. Originally, this is oneshot right? And based on my plot, it will end with 5 chapters. Yeah, hint..i would do time skipping. Not that really. But less narration. But it's not a typical story of friend-lover romance, whatever they call it. *winks* Well, your appreciation really is my source of inspiration so, what do you want? by the way, thank you again for the reviews!**

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Instead of spending and wasting my time, mulling over what she said, I suddenly decided to go home. I actually felt better and again I thanked her. I really didn't know how it was possible for a human to influence another human. Right? Isn't it we're just humans? So the very possibility that we could sustain is to control ourselves. Yes, only our own selves. But I can't really understand why we can just touch some other lives other than our own. Anyway, I guess that is better.

In my case, if I were to allow myself to dominate over me, this self who was currently devastated - mada mada dane - a bit down, then it could be the end of me..the end of my career. Oh yeah, considering the fact that I can maintain my coolness over petty things, still this was not something to be ignored, my whole life depends on it, on tennis, on every tournament that I shall win.

Good thing, there are people who care about my being and now I understand why sometimes they seem to meddle with my life- in what I perceive- and that's because they have this concern for me. And I think, yeah..it's better that way.

While I was walking my way home, I couldn't help thinking what could it have been if I had won that tournament? Surely, celebration would follow and I would be able to show to the whole world that I deserve what I am, that I am worthy of my title and of their admiration. Yet, looking to the positive side, this tournament didn't even decide whether I would move on and compete to higher level competitions. I mean, it was just to decide who's the best in our region. That's something not to be bragged about. It's only in our region and not in the whole world as it is if it were me. And then, what may follow may just be simple congratulations not really those big celebrations whenever I win formal tournaments.

Oh, one more thing, he could have just won by a matter of luck. I might have just gone beyond the boundary of self-confidence . Anyway, past is past. It's over.

Still, I wonder , what would my parents tell me?

I entered our house waiting for their reactions.

"I'm home," I was actually waiting for my parents especially Oyaji to be standing by the gate ready to lecture me or whatever it was he needed or wanted to do to me. But I didn't hear a respond. I didn't know what to expect now.

I proceeded to our dining room and there I saw them along with the long table filled with motley of food. I was thunderstruck. Was it for me? A celebration for me? A celebration for my humiliating downfall?

The next second, mother stood from her chair and went straight towards me and hugged me.

"You must be lonely..but that's okay," mother told me in a very soothing voice like I did nothing wrong. Like my defeat was none of my list of mistakes at all. Like there was always tomorrow to welcome and make things up for myself. But I'm glad I have my mother. Her embrace warmed my soul and finally alleviated my apprehension of losing everything I have right now.

Next was Oyaji. He patted my shoulder. Only it was hard..yeah he did it jokingly. And then he laughed.

" Guess, you have to eat more, drink your milk, and spend more time playing time with me, huh?" okay, so that was a tease or an insult? I sulked.

" Nah, that's nothing..you cannot be the best if you won't be able to experience this kind of thing even for once," he beamed and then ruffled my hair.

"Ryoma, forget that now. Come, let's just eat, auntie and I prepared this for you," my cousin Nanako said.

I'm lucky to have them. I could just smile..not a forced smile. As I took my sit, I searched for Karupin, cat. But it didn't seem to be around. And then I felt some kind of chill at my leg. I glanced underneath the table and saw Karupin stroking her furry face against my leg. And I knew what that meant. He was trying to make me feel better.

Finally, I said in a composed yet delighted tone,

" Itadakimasu!"

After eating, before I went upstairs the phone rang. Mother and Nanako were busy doing the washing and Oyaji was again busy looking at those pic mags of..hell..annnoying girls.

So, I had to get it.

" Hello," I said aloofly. And then I heard an identifiable voice though I knew that person was really not talking to me. The person on the other line was calling to someone.

" Grandma, here he is!" she shouted with- what I discern was- fidgetiness . Oh yeah, that girl, Ryuzaki. Is she always like this? Uneasy everytime she hears me or is it inherent?

Oh, so Coach Ryuzaki would have something to tell me, huh? Would she tell me off? She better not- aging…

" Ryoma!" by just the first word, I knew she was kind of angry or frustrated. It chilled me.

Suddenly, she tittered.

" Sakuno told me what happened and well, all your senpais went here and reported so I decided to give you a call. I suppose you are down right now. Take it easy, Ryoma, it's just a part of life. You would be an abnormal if you don't get to experience such things. So, maintain your coolness, huh? Just get back to him someday," she's really my coach. Crap, that Kurikawa didn't even give me a word of encouragement. Anyway, it was not that I needed it that much.

" Yeah, yeah, I know..no need to remind me," I told her coolly to let her know that I'm still standing here with great posture in a good condition, maintaining my coolness.

Then, she called on Sakuno asking her if she had something to tell me. I just waited patiently.

But then I heard her say, "Nothing". Oh well, good, so that I could rest now.

Coach then bade me goodbye and hung up the phone.

Before getting some rest, I then realized that maybe this tournament might be considered as one of the petty things that I should not worry about.

With that, I had my night.

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Next morning, as usual, I had to attend my classes. Whether they liked me there or not after this how-many-times-do-i-have-to-say-it – defeat, I'd still attend. I'm not just a tennis player. I'm also a student. Though, I welcome the evident fact that I have advanced knowledge that's why I still get ahead of my classmates even though I'm busy with my tennis.

However, my expectations failed me again this time. While I was sauntering the hallway, the usual, special treatment was bestowed on me. Those annoying girls were still screaming like hell. And even those guys, I didn't see them whispering. Well, it was just that, that whisper might be referring to me. And then, I saw my senpais. Not all of them though, I just happened to pass by Momo-senpai, Eiji-senpai and Fuji-senpai. No words were exchanged except for that plain Good Morning. The moment I looked at them straight to their eyes with an abrupt smile, I knew then that they understood me. They now knew I'm okay. And I was sure, that would be again their subject when the whole team got together.

But it seemed like my treatment was incomplete. Aha, that girl wasn't there to greet me. Hmm, I guess she was late and I was just too early or vice versa? When I entered our classroom, oh, she was there. Already. So it was the vice versa, huh?

I passed by her unintentionally. That move was needed for me to get to my seat. But she just looked at me..good..blushing. And I was waiting for those words but they never came. I hate it! I mean, I didn't' understand her at all. There were times, she would just appear beside me without any notice comforting me, cheering me up and then there were also times she would just take no notice of me even when I, Ryoma Echizen, passed by her. That wasn't right for a girl. Okay, so maybe I was just spoiled by those annoying girls greeting me every time I passed by and even when I didn't, they would greet me through letters inserting them to the narrow spaces of my locker.

If that was what she wanted, fine!

Our teacher then arrived, our English teacher. For that day, we would take up reading. A short story with 10 pages, I think. She kept on telling us to listen attentively to her reading while discussing at the same time or else, according to her, we won't be able to get the message of the story. If only she knew, but I bet she did, even with my eyes closed I could still get the meaning of the story.

While she was narrating the first part, as she discussed it, the " Introduction" of short story that contains the characters, the settings etc., my eyes suddenly averted from my teacher's direction and they fell upon her..that girl. Her seat was beside me. I thought she was listening but she was already nodding off. It was strictly prohibited to sleep in English class. Yes, even if it seemed boring. Or else, you would be punished heavily. Though no one had known the punishment yet for no one had ever tried sleeping. Or maybe there had been some who were just lucky enough not to be caught by our teacher who was already in her 50's, I think.

There, she was really about to fall at her side. This would be a big mess! I then looked at that teacher and saw her reading while discussing and scanning the whole classroom, for sure, searching for someone who was nodding off. And in few seconds, her eyes would catch this girl.

So, I grabbed my book and threw it on the floor hard (I apologize to my book). Luckily, it was loud enough for my teacher to hear it and for Ryuzaki to be startled and managed to get her correct sitting posture.

The whole class and of course the teacher had their attention on me.

" I'm sorry, it slipped," I told them nonchalantly not wanting them to feel that I somehow felt embarrassed. It was the first time, I felt embarrassed here in our class for I was usually looked upon.

But my teacher didn't treat me as somebody. She treated us equally no matter what achievement we have attained.

She then adjusted the position of her eyeglasses which were already almost "noseglasses" and then replied.

" It might have slipped because you were already sleeping, Echizen-san," with her icy voice.

I decided not to answer anymore. I would have said _" Better prove it, old mistress"_ .

But I was not raised an insolent child. A prince has manners, I have. But then, I suddenly realized, she had not given me a punishment. Had she forgotten it? Or was I given a special treatment? Anyway, whatever it was, it didn't matter.

The class then redirected their attention to listening. But before I did, I looked at Ryuzaki. And perhaps she sensed that I was looking. So she also looked at me with that tinge of red again.

" Better keep you eyes open," I told her abruptly or else we would be caught again and this time I would surely receive the punishment.

I was relieved when she said, " Ha-hai!"

I didn't know why, but "relieved" was not exactly the term. I just felt so happy, maybe relieved after all..that she was not ignoring me.

I brought my racket with me. So after class I made up my mind to go to one of my favorite spots. Neither the tennis court nor the Sakura tree.

I went to the place where I could practice even without an opponent, just the wall. But as I was nearing it, I had perceived the sound of bouncing balls. It then changed my mood. Hell, how could that someone steal my spot when he's not even asking for a permission?

I quickened my pace only to see that girl, Ryuzaki.

I thought she again sensed my aura so she looked at me blushing for how may times? But she was very careless; she had not even hit the ball bouncing off the wall yet. Before I was able to admonish her, the ball hit her shoulder.

She then kneeled down clutching onto the affected part. I approached her and tried to ask her but before I was able to ask, she already answered.

" No, it's nothing..i'm fine,"

And then she stood, still clutching onto her shoulder. With her other hand, she gathered her racket and ball and hardly packed them up. When she finished packing, she approached me.

" I'm sorry for using your place," she then bit her lips and started walking away.

And suddenly I caught up with her, something just told me to move and follow her.

" Shall I help you?" I offered my hand waiting for her to give her tennis bag but she refused. Why was she acting independently?

" Iie, it's okay, Ryoma-kun..it's not that serious anyway, just go on with your practice," she painted a small upward curve on her face.

She started walking away again but then she stopped which gave me hope that perhaps she really needed my help. She said,

" Thank you, Ryoma-kun," that was all.

Well, no more other options but to practice. I went back to my playing area and noticed a ball. Was that her ball? It might be since I haven't opened my bag yet. I picked it up and just smiled.

The ball had a drawing of me in a cute way? Well, it's not that beautiful or an artist sketch.

Was she the artist? I better find out.

* * *

At exactly five o'clock in the afternoon, I decided to quit playing and go home. It was an exhausting day. Not yet taking into account that I haven't even seen and played with my senpais.

When I reached the gate, I saw Ryuzaki. Was she following me? Wherever I was, there she was. Coincidence, I supposed.

I stopped and asked her.

" Waiting for someone?" I questioned not really expecting that she could possibly be waiting for me.

" Uhm..yeah.,.Tomo-chan said I just had to wait here but it has been 30 minutes and still-, " then her phone rang.

" Hello, Tomo! Where are you? I've been waiting for-, eh what? No way! How? You should have said it earlier..uhm..yeah..i understand, see you tomorrow," she suddenly looked dejected.

" Why?" I asked.

" Uhm..Tomo-chan was already home. I didn't even notice her. Ah! Perhaps that was when I went to the cafeteria for a while. She might have passed the gate then without seeing me. She said she was in a hurry and had no time to wait. Mou, if I had known it earlier, then I shouldn't have stayed this late," she replied like the whole world just fell upon her. I mean, what was the problem with that? There were so many ways for her to go home. Just when I thought, she was acting independently.

" Uhm, okay..i'll go ahead now, Ryoma-kun,see you to-,"

" We can walk home together," I looked at her and smiled lightly.

She was stunned. She held her gaze for like a minute.

I had no idea what this feeling was. What kind of force was it drawing me closer to her?

She was just a nonentity to me before, but now..i couldn't exactly decipher why the wind suddenly started blowing towards the opposite direction. Maybe I just felt grateful for her concern about me.

But I think there was something more. Yeah, I knew.

I suddenly felt like I wanted to start something.

_I wanted to be her friend_.

* * *

**There! Sorry for mistakes. And take note: I'm using first person POV here, just incase you encountered pronouns belonging to third person, they were meant to be I. Well except of course for some that were really referring to other people. You know that kind of thing **** . I'm just having a hard time because I'm in a third person POV in my other stories. One more thing, it's not true that English subject is boring. I intended no offense. That's just for the sake of my story. I actually love English so much that I really want to be good at it. It's my favorite subject.**


	4. Hoping

**Sorry, I no longer know how and what to write. But I hope you guys will be happy with this update. I have my ideas but it seems that I'm having a hard time putting them into words. Please read until the end. * Not edited***

* * *

**Present**

Remembering those precious times when I suddenly had the drive to notice her simple, in a way, childish acts, and that moment when I offered her friendship in a silent and implied way makes me smile.

I haven't smiled for a long time since that incident happened. But I know this smile still means nothing for she doesn't see me having this expression, she doesn't know that I am indeed changing, that a part of me has softened, that she's the reason why I am smiling…and lonely at the same time.

I wish she were here with me. It's okay even if she doesn't speak or talk to me, even if her eyes will never fall upon me, even if she covers her ears and doesn't listen to what I am to say, even if she doesn't want to see me, even if she's just here physically, even if her heart and thoughts are so far away, I wouldn't give a complaint as long as I could see her…and somehow feel her.

I wish she would hear me. I wish she would come back. I wish I could make it the way it was before. The before that brought me nothing but a world of happiness. Happiness because of what life has destined for me, of what I would have been if she were with me.

I wish…I wish…I wish these concealed tears could bring her back...to me.

* * *

**Past**

I was really wondering why she was so fidgety. I was three meters away from her, for crying out loud, and it wasn't like there was a newfound love between us, a love so fragile for it was our first time handling it and that we were still knowing our way around . Well, that didn't make sense either. If love was mutual between us, either of us would have made a move for us to be 'close'. Were her hormones that affected when I was within that radius? Were they tickling her much that made her face so flushed?

Moreover, was that the way she naturally responded to incidents like that? I meant, was that how she viewed a 'walking together with a guy' scene?

Ah, this girl never ceased to make me keep on thinking of weird things. So, was I supposed to be the one to end the silence and spark a tiny conversation? But what kind of conversation? I loved talking about tennis and anything under the category of coolness; she loved – forget it, I didn't know what she loved.

Right, I, too, was being panicky. Why couldn't I stop thinking of nonsensical things? Why couldn't I just walk normally like how a human should?

I remembered the ball. The ball with my face on it.

I reached for my bag clung on my shoulders . I opened and searched for the ball inside. My things were a mess. Had I lost the spirit to launch an interesting topic for a conversation deserving to last until we reached her home, I would have closed my bag, losing the will to continue the search and rescue operation for the ball and thinking I might have misplaced it.

After a minute, my hand finally found its way through the crowd inside my bag and my fingers finally had something spherical in their clutches.

I started playing with the ball and tossing it upwards when Ryuzaki suddenly shrieked. I stopped in my track, of course. I thought she saw something worthy of shrieking, only to know that she was eyeing the ball.

" Something's wrong?" I asked her, continuing with my playing.

"That ball," she answered subconsciously. Her actions and expression were still lagging which meant she hadn't snapped back to reality yet.

" Yeah, this ball. Now, what?"

"Your face," no change in expression. Still shell-shocked.

"Yeah, it has my face on it. I don't know who on earth did this. You have an idea?" I just felt like teasing her. I knew it was she I was looking for. Now, that was what I called a packed conversation. Something worthy of my time. Yeah, I was certainly enjoying that.

"Ah…err...," she looked away. Good, because honestly, her oh-so-red face was bothering me. It was contagious. Thanks for my stoic face, it was not impacted on.

" But actually, it's my first time seeing one like this and I like it. I never knew that someone admires me so much that she even drew my face on my favorite thing. I'm just thinking if she really intended to give this to me, or it was just pure coincidence that I have it now," I pulled down my cap. Crap, I was running out of expressions. I needed her to react so that my reactions would be depended on hers. In a conversation like that, it was a matter of give and take.

" Do you want to keep it?" Finally, she looked back at me, though only for a little while for she started talking to the ground.

" Of course, everybody should know the universal law: finders keepers," I gave her my smirk.

" Really..you don't find it…ugly?" she started looking up again. I saw hope in her eyes. I never left those eyes until they met mine. I just realized how sparkling and pretty her eyes were, and how red she really was.

" Ah, it's not that exquisite nor is it that ugly. I see the effort," I sort of gazed out for a moment there. I must admit our eyes were locked in a stare and I didn't even bother to break the spell.

What the hell was I doing? Seriously, something was changing. A part of me was changing.

"Thank you," and she drew a smile shyly and bit her lip.

"You're the artist?" It was not like I didn't expect her to be. I just wanted her to admit it. There was really nothing wrong with that. I would appreciate it. I knew she was timid and all that, but if I would be made to choose from my fangirls, the one I would cherish, it would definitely be her. I'd rather talk and spend my time with someone quiet like her because I knew, even without words, that her admiration for me overflowed than being with some squealing fangirl that did nothing but to get on my nerves.

But that was an 'if'. I'd never do that. I'd never cherish her. I'd never cherish someone. Tennis was the only thing I could care about.

"Uhm…yeah,"

" You don't have to be so quiet about it. Yes, I know you are, you're pretty obvious. So, can I keep this, Ms. Artist?"

"Ah, of course," and then she smiled.

I then continued walking, and she followed. I forgot to tell something so I looked back. But hell, she was crying.

" Hey…thank you. Why the tears?" I inquired coldly pretending I was not fretting.

She gave no response as she was forcefully wiping her tears with her bare hands. Perhaps, she didn't have a handkerchief with her. Ah, what a girl.

"Here, I haven't used it yet," I offered her my favorite hanky.

" Sorry, Ryoma-kun, I'm just so happy that you like it. I was so afraid to give it to you because I thought you would refuse to accept it but now you have it. Thank you and also for this handkerchief," she stared at me for the first time without being red and smiled. That lasted for minutes. Again, I couldn't help giving in to her stare and her smile.

" That's nothing. Now shall we continue?" I shrugged and lift my hand towards the path we were taking so we could go with our journey.

Heck, I couldn't get over with that smile. It kept on resurfacing in my memories. No, I thought that was only the thread of memory I had that moment. Her smiles kept on flashing through my mind. Even the way she said thank you, and those tears she shed for me, her sweet voice, and her red cute face.

No, it couldn't possibly me. Implausible. Yeah, she really liked me but I wanted to apologize for it would never be returned.

But _I loved her smile_. _Ah, c'mon, nutty brain, the hell no. Stop messing with my mind!_

I was so absorbed in arguing with my inner self that I responded too late in what she was saying.

"..birthday this Saturday," ah, that was just a fragment of her statement. I didn't manage to hear the rest. _You're so dead, cracked brain. Don't you ever jam with my rational thoughts again._

" Ah, sorry I think I was zoning out, what were you saying again?" I told her as I was trying to refocus myself.

She started playing with her fingers.

" Uhm, you see, this Saturday, we'll have a party at the house, and I'm wondering if you could come, you could also bring Uncle and Auntie and Nanako-san. Grandma will also invite the senpais, so…," she was again in a hopeful state. I suddenly couldn't resist…_her._

Ah, scratch that, sure I could.

"I have a scheduled training. Why, what's with that day? 12..13..January 14. Is there an occasion?" I really didn't know. That date was not familiar to me which only meant that every year it was just an ordinary tedious day for me, nothing special, so why the sudden party?

She kept silent about it for a while, but she grew gloomier.

" Yeah, there's an occasion, so please if you could come, Ryoma-kun," and I knew she was trying to force a smile.

"Let me see but I really can't guarantee that I will. Oh, here we are," we finally reached their home and before I could continue on my way, she stopped me by gently tapping my wrist.

"Thank you, Ryoma-kun," she was again flushing.

"That's no-,"

Before I could even finish my line, she took one step closer to me and hugged me lightly. In a second, it was done.

She marched towards their gate until she entered their home, until I could no longer see her.

I wasn't sure how to react. I knew it was just a thank you hug or a friendly hug, but still it was a hug. And that was the first time I got a hug from a girl, heck, from a fangirl. Okay, I so was not enjoying that. I just walked her home, and she gave me that?

I was sure as hell satisfied with a simple thank you and a smile, no need to elevate the gesture to a hug. One more thing, we weren't even on. She hadn't even confessed to me yet. I knew she liked and admired me since when we were twelve years old, but no word from her had spoken of that fact yet.

Should I be angry? That was a slurry of emotions. I didn't know which were to be felt and which were to be ignored. Did I somehow blush? Ah, definitely no. I didn't feel anything at all. I was just thunderstruck that I had no more time to decipher the next course of actions to be taken.

Could there have been a chance of me hugging her back? Of pulling her into me tightly? Of never letting her go? But that was absurdity! There was no way I would respond by any of those.

I, Ryoma Echizen, would never show a motive and would never ever do the first move. My reputation was at stake. I couldn't possibly dirty my image just because of some puppy love or hormonal effects. And I couldn't take a fancy to her , simply because, I would never fall in love with her. Tennis was my first love and my whole egoistic world must revolve only around it.

I've got no time for such mundane things. I would never fall into the trap of_ love._

But there was one thing I couldn't forget and the feeling was still lingering. When she hugged me, though it was light and very swift like a wind, I sensed its warmth. And the warmth was radiating a flicker of hope. Again, hope.

I realized ,that hope was her longing for me to reciprocate the feelings she had, for me to love her back.

* * *

**Short? Forgive me, this is the only way I can keep on updating. Let me try my best next time. For now, give me reviews, I beg you. Thank you. :)**


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